


this feeling

by Allo_Long



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst and Feels, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Kamukura Izuru Has Feelings, Komaeda Nagito Being Komaeda Nagito, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:22:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28553829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allo_Long/pseuds/Allo_Long
Summary: he couldn't be what they wanted.they wanted something so much more.and he was just a highschooler.a rewired, unloved, emotionally unstable highschooler.was he even a highschooler anymore?COMPLETE
Relationships: Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 5
Kudos: 26





	this feeling

**Author's Note:**

> ahhhh i love angst dude
> 
> BRUH BEFORE YOU READ, JUST KNOW THAT THIS MAKES NO SENSE DUDE

did he feel?

he had always thought not, that he was only what others wished for him to be.

emotionless. in power. hopeful.

but, with komaeda... it felt like he could. feel, that is.

komaeda looked up to him. komaeda worshipped him.

and he couldn't be what the other wanted.

apparently.

at first, it wasn't much; the feeling.

it was a small twinge of... something.

komaeda ignored him when he was asked to leave. he would mumble.

komaeda would smile in that carefree way; why was he so carefree?

he would wish to be alone, his wish unanswered.

then it was more. it grew. and it confused him.

komaeda would compare himself to trash and look at him, expectingly.

he would stay silent; this took all his will.

why would he care? if komaeda thought himself to be lowly?

he didn't. he couldn't.

he didn't want to care, he shouldn't care; why was he caring?

his throat felt raw.

komaeda always seemed to look disappointed afterward.

it hurt so much.

komaeda started to notice.

it felt like the luckster was doubting his ability; " _is this truly the hope i was looking for? this unruly force?_ "

no, it wasn't. komaeda's hope didn't exist.

_~~please leave now...~~ _

komaeda never left, despite his efforts.

despite the luckster's doubts.

he felt so small compared to this feeling.

ache.

he just wanted to be alone again.

komaeda's love... no, admiration, was too much.

komaeda saw it as helping.

how could this ever help him?

what did he want from him?

" _hope was an absolute force of good_."

was he good?

the feelings began to burst, that day.

komaeda compared him to the sun; a star.

he almost agreed, nodded, continued on with the ache.

" _i don't think i've said this, kamukura-san, but..._ "

he can't think of those last few words.

he doesn't want this.

why did it hurt so much?

wasn't this supposed to be a positive thing? this attention? adoration?

" _don't._ "

" _excuse me?_ "

" _don't love me. please..._ "

" _are you ok? kamukura-san, we can stop walking and sit down if you-_ "

" _no. i want you to leave. stop. just,,, stop, please._ "

" _...ahah. i knew it. i shouldn't have thought you would wish to be around scum like m-_ "

" _NO... i mean, it's not. that. i just..._ "

just what?

why was this so frustrating?

having someone love you?

did he love komaeda back?

what if he did?

would they date? no?

how did this all work?

why is it that this simple feeling was what stumped him?

was there even a name for what he felt?

"... _i just never asked for this._ "

" _asked for what?_ "

" _...you. i don't deserve... you. i don't understand. why you're still here..._ "

" _...what do you even want from me?_ "

did he hate himself?

he never pondered it.

he knew he was smart.

strong.

logical.

but knowing that doesn't mean he loved himself.

he cared for komaeda.

maybe.

it's so hard to know these things when you weren't taught to.

he wishes he were dead.

maybe then...

komaeda would have someone better. someone who would teach him how to love himself too.

**Author's Note:**

> ok, so like,,,
> 
> there is no real reason as to why izuru feels this way???
> 
> is there even a name???
> 
> i suppose he just feels as if this attention he's getting from nagito is something he doesn't deserve
> 
> idk if he loves nagito here but he definitely doesn't see nagito as trash or whatever
> 
> he sees nagito as worthy, but nagito doesn't want izuru to see him as that
> 
> nagito wants someone who acts superior, is superior, is logical, and doesn't really,,,, feel. basically. he just wants hope, hope doesn't need to be emotional.
> 
> so izuru cant take this pressure. he thought he didn't feel but he cares for nagito and wants to help nagito feel better
> 
> but that wouldn't be the hope nagito was looking for. and izuru needs to be what others want, at least hope wise.
> 
> so he like shut up.
> 
> this was stupid, idk, i might disable comments cus i hate it so much but ye here


End file.
